And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
