i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
