i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
