My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
