wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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