I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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