I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
