theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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