On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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