Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
