If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
