If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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