I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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