If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
