Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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