you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
