I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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