when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize