Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
