I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
