morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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