just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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