also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
