Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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