my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
