Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
