:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
