When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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