he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it