I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets