Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
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What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.