I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense