Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO