bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.