How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
