I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
