I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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