you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
