I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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