Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
