My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I want to be your penis for a week.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
