CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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