I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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