my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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