Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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