genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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