Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just had sex on a roof
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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