Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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