your room smells of hookers.
And success
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
