we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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