I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
