my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
