First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
