He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
