i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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