So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
