We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
