He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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