Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
