dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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