Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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