2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
