would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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