Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
