I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
