my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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