so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
