You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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