I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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