so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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