I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
