you would pick up someone in the library
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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