I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
