sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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