Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
