from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
