I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
